Monday, May 23, 2011

"Life is suffering"

I don't seek comfort that often. I'm a very independent person, and I like it that way. But it seems like when I really do, eventually, reach out to someone... when I really need that shoulder lean on... they turn a blind eye. Just a hug or kind words would suffice when I come to someone with a problem... just a "oh, honey, I'm so sorry..." But no. No one can even spare that for me. I tell someone about a tragedy or emotional struggles... and a lot of times, I barely even get a response. Just a "oh, that sucks" and they automatically change the subject.

I don't give good advice. Most of the time, I can't help you solve your problems. But I listen to them. I feel empathy. I try to understand as much as possible, so I can at least make your burden a bit more bearable. I'm ready with kind words and hugs when someone needs me. Is it too much to ask for the same thing? Just once?

Sometimes, when I do my best to make someone feel better I get shot down. I get called every name under the sun just for trying to lessen someone's burden.

Sometimes... no, a lot of times, I think of myself as the stupid, pathetic creature people see me as. A mistake that needs to crawl into a cave somewhere and die. That person who wastes precious air and space that wants to make a living off of her words and ideas.

I hope that this is just Depression rearing its ugly bald head. I hope that people really do give a shit about me. I hope that people really do appreciate me. I hope that I really am significant in this cold world of ours. 

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