Sunday, July 3, 2011

My ugliness

Someone I'm close to (or used to be, at any rate) whose going through what I consider a depression, told me a few days ago that he can see the ugliness in everyone. So I asked him "well, what's my ugliness?"

His answer was pride. He told me that everything I do is to show off, to make myself a center of attention. Being vegetarian, being Wiccan, being vocal about politics... in his eyes, I only do it for attention. This tells me just how much people misunderstand me. People who barely know me don't give me much attention, because they think I don't want it... people that I really open up to say I'm just constantly seeking. Neither is the case. Attention is nice, I won't deny that... but I don't constantly seek it either. I don't hide what I am for attention, I just want people to see me as me... the real me.

About the pride part... yes, I am very prideful. Not about what I do, but rather who I am and the freedom to be that person. Is that such a bad thing?

My real ugliness isn't pride. No, it's envy. Not just jealousy, down right envy... hatred of someone because they posses something I don't. I don't mean petty possessions, I could care less about those. I mean talents and personalities and lives. There are talents that I would die for, and lives that I would kill to have.     

1 comment:

  1. wow thats deep. i wish i could be someon else.