Saturday, July 16, 2011

I need to stop putting so many things into one post

Obviously, I haven't blogged in awhile. I wish I could day that it's because my life has been busy, but it hasn't been... just stressful. I don't want to go into too much detail.

So, I've been having these weird stomach cramps. It started on Wednesday during class. I didn't eat anything that could be bad for me the day before, and I barely had anything to eat that morning. The teacher was going over some stuff, and then my insides just decided to turn themselves into a knot. No, it wasn't menstrual cramps... trust me, I know it wasn't. I went on for an hour and a half, then it stopped and I didn't feel it again for the rest of the day... but I felt weird, like anything I ate would make me puke. And it's been going on every day since then. I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant... I think I would remember losing my virginity. Could I be dying? I wouldn't mind that... that means I don't have to put up with humans anymore.

I'm going on a three-day chamber music trip to Whitewater again this year. I got my packet for it a few days ago and only three people I know are going. That means I have to be friendly with strangers... *shudders* Last year it was most definitely a step out of my comfort zone, but it was very rewarding in the end. I hope it will be like that this year. My music is fairly easy, but long... so many 8th notes. The rhythms will give me the most trouble, but nothing practice won't fix. I'm in a chamber group with two violins, a viola and a bass. Yesss!! I'm playing with a bass!! Woot woot!! I appreciate good bass players. If I can find a link to the music, I'll post it.

Hopefully, I will go to see the last HP movie soon. And my childhood will officially end.

Thursday, July 7, 2011


I'm listening to Enya at the moment. I don't know why, but her music always makes me hate reality.

So, I'm taking a math course at SHS because I wasn't happy with my 2nd semester grade for Algebra. This was my first time being in SHS and was arguably the longest day of my life. It's so big and the rooms are unorganized and everything smelled like chlorine. I go to HEHS, and going there is like going to school in a box. Everything is stacked on top of each other and, even if you're new there, it's very easy to find something without asking for directions. SHS is just confusing and doesn't follow any particular pattern. It's a lot prettier than HEHS though... inside and out.

The worst part was that I didn't know anyone there. There were some people I recognized, but no one I could run over to and act like I was their friend, just for the sake of blending in. The teacher is nice enough, but it was obvious that she was just teaching for the money and didn't really want to be there. Neither did I, which probably means we'll get along alright. 

Sunday, July 3, 2011

My ugliness

Someone I'm close to (or used to be, at any rate) whose going through what I consider a depression, told me a few days ago that he can see the ugliness in everyone. So I asked him "well, what's my ugliness?"

His answer was pride. He told me that everything I do is to show off, to make myself a center of attention. Being vegetarian, being Wiccan, being vocal about politics... in his eyes, I only do it for attention. This tells me just how much people misunderstand me. People who barely know me don't give me much attention, because they think I don't want it... people that I really open up to say I'm just constantly seeking. Neither is the case. Attention is nice, I won't deny that... but I don't constantly seek it either. I don't hide what I am for attention, I just want people to see me as me... the real me.

About the pride part... yes, I am very prideful. Not about what I do, but rather who I am and the freedom to be that person. Is that such a bad thing?

My real ugliness isn't pride. No, it's envy. Not just jealousy, down right envy... hatred of someone because they posses something I don't. I don't mean petty possessions, I could care less about those. I mean talents and personalities and lives. There are talents that I would die for, and lives that I would kill to have.     

Friday, July 1, 2011

I'm a fish

I'm "working" on my stock project again. Muahahaha.

I played my cello for the first time in three weeks and I got a blister from it. The reason why I couldn't play it is because I had to wait to take it in for repairs... again. It's not even my fault, it's the friggin pegs that don't want to stay. And my hand hurts because I lost some of the muscle memory I had, as well as my callouses.

I'll probably go to the pool after school today... if my swimsuit still fits me. I've lost some weight, so I dunno... hopefully it does so I don't have to buy a new one. You know what's funny? I LOVE swimming and being in the water, but I hated the swim unit for P.E. The water is my happy place, and when a guy is yelling at me and telling me what to do, mentally I'm saying "omgf go die in a hole, let me do what I want." Especially when that guy is yelling about swimming four laps around the pool. Then I go into a mental rage. Anyway, it's a perfect day for swimming. I'm actually wearing shorts in public. That's how warm it is.